I don't know why I am typing here. I don't have anything to update. All is still the same. I just feel the need to be here. And when I get urges like this I try to do them right away.

The need to get to Montana is increasing though. There is just nothing I can do about it though. I just don't have the money to make the move right now. Shit... we don't even have the money to pay the bills AND groceries. Right now it is one OR the other. So the bills are paid, but we have minimum food in the house. And no gas in the car. But then, this is nothing new to me. Have been living like this for so long I don't remember ever having a time when money wasn't an issue. Even at 16 years old, I had to worry about making sure that $400 covered ALL the monthly bills AND bought me food.

Sure, when we get our taxes back I will be able to pay off one or two of the loans that we have monthly payments for, but that will only free up $150 a month. Sure, come August I will have a bit more income due to student loans and such, but it won't be much. I will also be getting my liquor license again with the taxes, which will put me back in line for more hours at work. But it still won't be enough to make a difference.

But the need, just keeps growing. I had hoped to be able to do it by my 40th birthday. Well, that is NOT going to happen. I will not have my degree and the money to move by May. Oh, well. Not like it was going to happen anyway. Nothing I have ever really truly wanted to be able to do has happened. Moving to MT, owning my own home, having my mates at my side. None of it. I should learn to stop wanting such inaccessible things.

Well, gotta cook supper. Later.