Wantin' my mates tonight. Every once in a while, more often lately than is comfortable, I just crave them. Not  sexually either. Just want them with me. Arms and heat surrounding me. You know... just needing human contact with someone other than my daughter. Sure, I have J.... but it isn't the same anymore. Ever since I started feeling this restless unease, he hasn't had the presence I need. His arms lost the home feeling. The saddest part of it all, even if we do choose to end the marriage, I feel to old and useless to even think about starting a new relationship. I just wish I could shake theses feelings so that I can just go back to being reserved to continue my life as I have up til now. I know it will not get better... it isn't allowed to. Oh well... will just learn to live with it. It's all that I can do, since no good change is in the foreseeable future.

Later.