At one of those "down" times for me. Hard to get motivated to do anything more than just sitting on the couch and stare off into space. Can't even seem to get up the motivation to read. Been like this for about a week now. I did finally get up and bake some cookies though. Needed to do that for about two weeks now. J doesn't have anything for his lunches.

Still can't get a job to save my life though. Applied to Samhain publishing for a FLE (Final Line Editor) position. Finished the first testing phase. Waiting for them to get back to be to let me know if I passed. Gods, I hope so. To get paid for reading would be.... wow. I can read about 50,000 words a day. They (Samhain) require the FLE to read the book twice. Which I agree with as there is always something you missed the first read through. The shortest books they have are 12,000. So I, technically, could edit one of their smaller books a day. Yes, that may only be $48 per day (that is the amount they pay for that size book), but as I can't seem to find any other work... that would be an income we can deal with. So... to do the math that would be $48 x 365 = $17,520. That is $1000 less than my greatest yearly income so far to date. I think we can handle that.... J's income would pay the bills, i.e. rent, electric, heat, phone. Then my income would pay for everything else. I don't know what their pay periods are like but I would assume either monthly, or quarterly. Now, I don't expect to actually get one book per day... especially in the beginning of my employment. But right now, anything would be better than what I am getting now.

As for school.... I have given up that dream. It just is NOT going to happen. Just another dream of mine that I have to give up due to bad choices I made in the past. So I will just owe $20000 worth of student loans for a degree that I will never have cause of financial issues. So.. I get to sit on my butt doing nothing cause I can't get a job instead of working towards a degree while not being able to get a job.

I have been able to decrease how much I eat though. So I at least don't cost as much I as I used to. I used to eat about 900 calories as day. I have successfully decreased that to about 450 calories a day. So, there is some money that I am saving us. Plus I only eat 6 days a week. So there is one day there that I don't cost anything food wise.

As for Montana. That dream I still cling to. I think I even have V dreaming about it. She wants to move out of this town so bad. But she also knows that IF I am able to move there, that she would most likely stay here to finish school and only be out there for summers. Which she seems to be fine with. Especially since we have already sat down and figured out what she wants to do after high school. Veterinary work, with cooking/chef on the side. She has asked one time which one she should do, I told her to do both. Choose one for a career and the other for a hobby. So she is choosing to go for her veterinarian degree with cooking classes on the side for hobby/extra credit. So we have her next four years of school already figured out. Only way it will change is if classes are not available at the time of signing up for them. She doesn't know where she wants to go to college yet, but we figured she would take high school classes as if she was going to go to a four year college. SO.... she has stated to me that even if she has to get a job to pay for us to get out to Montana.... we will do it.

Whether J comes with will be up to him. I honestly don't think he will. He is where he likes. He may not be doing the work he went to school for, but he is doing something that makes him proud of himself. He has a three year apprenticeship, and at the end of those three years he would be making $15/hour. That is a significant amount for people who never made more than $10/hour. In fact the highest income I ever had was $9.25/hour. So, he would be comfortable staying here. Plus his family is here. He LIKES it here. Where I have been trying to get out since I was 15. I succeeded a couple of times, but issues I wasn't in control of cause me to have to come back. Pregnancy (yea, I could have aborted but that was just a choice I wasn't comfortable with), J getting us kicked out of our place in AZ, J getting us kicked out of the place in MN. Then J got us kicked out of his parent's place.Yea, I know I didn't help as I couldn't find work after I got fired from the gas station... but I wasn't the one getting up in peoples faces and pissing them off.

So, anyway. That is where I am at right now. I think I will be done for now. But I will leave you with a lovely image caught by Mikey at http://mikeysphotos.deviantart.com/