Still not hearing from the possible job position. Gods, I hope one (if not both) come through. I am so tired of sitting on my butt wondering why I am considered unemployable now. I mean, I have worked at three different companies: GBS for two durations one lasting 5 years the other lasting 9 months, KT for 3 years and BQM for 10 months. So I am not a huge hiring risk when looking at a turnover perspective. Two companies are convenience stores and the other is a service (inventory auditing). Since one of the jobs I am waiting on is a convenience store, you would think the almost 4 years worth of experience would be beneficial, even if I have been out of a job for 3 years. The other position is reading through telecommunication, so the fact that I haven't had a primary job that takes me away from the computer should help. Getting both would be best. The convenience store is only 20 hours a week, so I would still have plenty of time to do the FLE work. To the 20 hours would put all the gas in the car we need, and the FLE would pay for all the necessities that his income can't cover. But then, maybe I am just dreaming again. I mean... we haven't had much go right since MN. Him getting hired permanent was the first thing that happened that was in the right direction. But then, as soon as he got permanent our roommate made plans to move out, so our bill doubled right away. Anyway...

I've been torturing myself... reading western romances/erotica. Causing me to dream even more about my cowboys. Heh... that was something that got mentioned on Sunday. Sis and I were talking about my wanting to move to MT. She asked how V felt about it, and I let her know that V only had one question... "what does MT have the WI doesn't?" Sis smiled and answered with me "Cowboys".

Random thought.... wanting to eat some candy means that you have a 'sweet tooth'... so does that mean that when you want to SEE some (eye)candy you have a 'sweet eye'?

Back on track here.....Or maybe not. I don't know... Just here.

I know that I keep typing the same things over and over on here, but when you have a life as boring as mine, what else is there to type about? I only get out of the house (beyond the borders of the property) about 2x a month. And one of those times is to do grocery shopping, the other is to take V to her monthly psyche appointment. So I get out just long enough to see the waiting room at the docs and the grocery store as we shop. I have no friends cause I can't get out to see them, and I have always sucked at keeping in contact by email/letter. I have no important life events to post about on FB so no one sees me there either. So why do I think MT would be any different? Well for 1. I don't see J moving with me, which means I get to be who I want to be not who he thinks I should be. (it isn't him, it's the way I was raised and since I have been this way for so long he just expects it now and he doesn't want to deal with any changes I want to make) and for 2. I have always wanted to be there, dreamt of is since I was 17. Its just nearly impossible to move to a place where you know no one, and have no way to get there. That's why I want to at least get my license before I go, that way I can drive myself there instead of rely on someone else to do it. And I would be able to sleep in my car until I was able to have an income to get a place to live. But.. that is, again, going over things that have already been beaten to death.

I am going to try to find something to do with the restlessness that is crawling through me. It's almost an itch under the skin it is getting so bad. I just want something good to happen, just so that I know that it isn't all just useless. I already know how worthless I am, but being useless at the same time is just to much. Again, beating an already dead horse.

I am just gonna go now. Later.