I am having an issue. I see this house in my head. I don't know who it belongs to but I am always in or near it in my dreams. I haven't seen all of it yet, but the parts of it that I do see make me feel like I'm home. But I keep going through home plan sites and I cannot find the plans for it anywhere. I know that it is a 2 story farmhouse with both a front and back porch. It might be a wraparound but I don' think so. The front of the house looks a cross between these two houses.

I know that the upstairs is all bedrooms... 3 I think. I haven't been up there so I am not sure. And downstairs, well I have only be in the rooms on the right side of the house. The left, I think, has the office/den and a formal dining room. But when you walk into the house, there is a hallway in front of you with a stairs leading up on the left side of the hallway. There are two archways on either side of the hall before the stairs. I think the left one leads to the office/den... but the one on the right leads to a family room with a stone fireplace on the far wall. OH... and all floors are hardwood. Through the family room, to the left of the fireplace is an open doorway into a breakfast room with a large table that seats up to 10 people. Beyond the table there is an angled sliding glass door leading to a covered porch with stairs to the backyard. Standing between the table and the living room, off to the left is the kitchen. It is blocked from view at the table by a partial wall, where the fridge stands. Along the back wall, in the kitchen, is where the sink is with a window looking out to the back yard. A small island stands in the middle of the kitchen. There is a door leading to the space under the stairs where the "basic" pantry is. There is another open doorway on other side of the kitchen leading back to the original hallway. Across the hallway from this door is where I believe the dining room is. But if you turn right out that kitchen doorway to follow the hallway further back, I think this part was added at a later date and is not a part of the original house plans, there is another door that leads to a guest bedroom that has it's own small bathroom. This room also has sliding glass doors that lead out onto the porch, on the opposite side of the main doorway. Upstairs, I think, has the master suite and one or two smaller bedrooms.

I just want to know where this house it. I have NEVER been in a house like this, in reality. I want to believe that it is real... I doubt it is, but hope is... what hope it. I even know that the kitchen is a yellowish color. There is a half basement cause there are freezers down there to store food. There is a garden outside in the back. The front porch has 4-5 steps up to the flooring, and the front door has a screen door. There are porch chairs on the front porch, and a porch swing on the back porch. The laundry is on the first floor, I just am not sure where. Since I have only "seen" a small portion of the house, it could be anywhere, I just know that it is on the first floor. There is no garage. I remember that too. I do know that, if it is real, it is outside of town. I would say a good few miles. Cause I don't remember seeing any other houses while standing on either porch. The siding is white and the roof is a grey/blue.

I have thought about drawing the house out on paper, but I don't know the dimensions of the rooms. I can get a basic layout, but there is always something about it that is wrong. I keep trying though. I just wish I knew someone who would be willing to try to draw out the plans for me... but I don't know any architects. It actually isn't all that large of a house.

I don't know.. maybe everything IS all in my head. I want so much to belong somewhere that feels like home that I am making myself believe it truly exists. Home is supposed to be where the heart is. But my heart belongs to someone whom I have never met. It belongs to land I have never touched. It belongs to a horizon I have never seen.

Well, I suppose. Try to do something so that I feel productive. Yeah, right... lately there isn't much I CAN do to make myself feel like I am worth more than I truly am. Yes, I am one of those people who believes you are only worth the amount of productivity you do. So... since I am unemployed and not in school at the moment.. that means that I am not even worth the cost of the water I use to take my showers, nor am I worth the amount of food I eat once a day at supper. If I was in school I would be worth a bit more since I would be working towards bettering myself to get employment that would be worth having. And I learned the hard way, since it's not my house I try not to get in the homeowner's way when it comes to cleaning. I do the dishes, help with the garbage and include their laundry if I am short of a full load. But people have certain ways they want things done. And since my way isn't their way, I just try to get out of the way.

Well, off to whatever I go...