Working on enlarging my country music selection. Not much else to do today. Thor when to get K (his second oldest). Gonna get Mom's oil changed while he is gone. Our SUV is getting fixed tomorrow, so we will feel better about using it then.

Gotta go into town tomorrow. My oldest daughter is going to state her vocal ensemble. They compete tomorrow so we are going to do our damnest to get there to show our support. She was one of the three that I gave up for adoption about 15 years ago. She and her older brother have made contact (my youngest initiated the first contact) with me, thank the gods. I always knew that she and her younger brother were on Facebook, but I couldn't/can't make contact until they were 18. But I looked it up, after V asked if she could send them something. There is no law, either for or against, pertaining to siblings making first contact in WI. GJ was the most receptive, S wasn't ready until a month or so ago, and G isn't ready at all yet. G is happy where he is at, so I'm okay with that. V is out trying to get her weekly job done before tomorrow (and before the rain gets here). Her summer job is to mow the lawn. She get $10 for each time she does it. That's the most she's made for anything yet. I have always wanted to be able to pay her for her chores, but with never having enough income to cover basic monthly bills... I can't even give myself an allowance.

I keep dreaming about him. Every night, he is there. There are times when I even dream about him while awake. Obsessed much? I can hear his voice, feel his touch, smell his scent. I've danced with him, cuddled with him, worked by his side. I see him all the time. He's a more than a head taller than I am (I'm 5'4"), the top of my head meets his collar bone. Black hair that barely brushes his shoulders. Intense blue eyes, that change with his moods. Slight western/southern drawl while he talks. (coming from the Midwest some slight accents sound almost alike.) Callouses on his hands from working with them so much. Surprisingly, sex never happens in these dreams. I guess I am faithful even in dreams. I may be with another man, but he and I never truly get intimate. That takes "loyal to a fault" to a whole new level...as I won't even cheat in my dreams. Why, though? Why now? Why so much, so often?  Why is it so intense? Why is it even happening while I am wide awake? Why, when I know he isn't real, can't I get him out of my head?

I know that I want out of my current relationship, but I don't want to hop into another one right away. I would like at least some time between relationships to be able to refind myself. But this, whatever it is, just feels more intense than just day/night dreams. I have never.... obsessed, I guess is the best word.... this much with ANY of my relationships. And before I "found" myself, I obsessed over a few of them. This feels different than that though. I can't explain it.

Oh well... almost time for supper. Later.