Well, I guess I found one of the secrets of getting people to look at your blog. Post half naked pictures of people. I know that 4 views is not all that much for a blog, but it is the most I have gotten so far. What I don't get is where the viewers are coming from. When I check it shows me that most of my audience is from Russia. I don't know anyone in Russia, let alone anyone anywhere outside of the US. No offense, but Russia is not where I am hoping to get viewers from. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Russians.... But I plan on moving to Montana. So it is people from Montana that I would like to be able to get to know. Cause... when I leave here I will be leaving behind everyone I know (other than my youngest daughter). Since I married a man who doesn't like crowds, I have lost my ability to go out and enjoy myself. I learned to be a hermit because that is what he wanted me to be. Before he and I started dating.... shit.. before I dated the one before him (Reaper)... I used to have tons of friends and would always have somewhere to go with someone I liked. I had my first child when I was 18, I still found time (and babysitters) so that I could spend time with friends. Actually... it wasn't Reaper himself that made me choose to change for him... it was the situation I was in. I still hadn't gotten my head on straight. I still believed that a woman was only as good as her man said she was. My father beat that into my head. That a woman's place is walking behind her husband, head down, mouth shut. Only speaks when spoken to and NEVER thinks for herself. I wasn't that bad, never have been. But Looking back on all then men/boys that I have dated.... I always, eventually, just faded into the background. It was only when I was single that I was considered a strong, independent woman. Only when I am single am I the Alpha female that I know I am supposed to be. The funny thing is.... most of the men that I have dated aren't Alphas themselves. The highest any of them would be is Beta. Then again, Coal is my Alpha male. And no one will match up to him. What real person can equal a fantasy? I was with Reaper 5 years before I was able to grow beyond ingrained mental barriers. I am beginning to feel that same anxiety that I had right before I broke it off with, Reaper. I had felt it about 5 years ago, but Thor was able to pretend to change enough for the feeling to go away. Well, it is back again... and I don't think he has the ability to change my mind again. I have lived with him not willing to change, even just the tiniest bit, for to long. If you love someone as much as he says he does me, you are willing to change yourself to help that person grow. I did that for him, for almost 15 years now. But he can't even change enough to take a shower regularly for me. I've altered my whole world to fit him into it. He is still the exact same person I knew 18 years ago, other than the extra 100 lbs he has put on. I know that I am, physically, no nice catch.... but I am willing to change (or to at least try to change) my faults for someone.

What do I want? Well, I am realistic enough to know that looks does matter. If you don't like someone's looks then you can't be attracted to them. My preferred look is tall, dark hair and light eyes. The only one of those three that I have been the most consistent on is height. I have dated redheads, brunettes and even blonds. Dark eye and light eye. But all but a small few have been 5'10" or taller. He has to be open minded, compassionate, loyal, honorable, and respectful. I cannot and do not put up with any form of prejudice... at all. Bigotry, homophobia, sexism, racism and any others that are out there. So any man that has even a small inkling of any of these, will never be a part of my life, even as just a friend. The man would have to deal with my being still being friend with my exes, and my flirting with most, if not all, of my male friends. I am loyal, almost to a fault. (I'm still with a man 5 years after wanting to leave and have only looked at others, never touched.) He has to be able to deal with my family... all of them.... even the ones that I am not blood related to. Some partners, not just mine either, have been chased off by our group just by being ourselves. Well, my time alone has come to an end. Laters

Had to... just couldn't resist. NOT the same man from the previous pic. This is just some random model (I believe) that is pretending to be a cowboy.... but he still looks good enough to eat.