Just sent another email off to the school. Still haven't heard anything from the enrollment adviser. It's been two weeks. I haven't even gotten an "I received your email and am working on it" response. So.... let's hope something happens this time. I need to know, for my own personal reasons, if I can go back to school. If I can't, then there is no point in even trying to make myself more employable. I can't seem to get hired at any of the gas station.... Walmart doesn't even seem to want me. What does that say? That I am less than worthless. What is worse than worthless? I don't even know.... I hate the days when I feel like this. And the sad thing is... all I need to feel better about myself theses days, is a job. Something part time and minimum wage. Cause at least then I would be worth the air I breath. I have already cut my food intake to once a day, and only when food is made for the WHOLE household. The one exception is around the 14th of the month, we get our foodshare allotment then. So I buy some foods just for myself. Some cheeses and such. Those I don't share and when they run out, I go back to eating the 1 meal a day. But I am not worth that much food. I was always taught that you are only worth as much as you make. Since I haven't worked in two years, I owe a lot of money to those that have been carrying me.

I keep having this dream, and I know it will never come true cause my dreams just don't. But I get this phone call from someone, obviously I make it into Coal but he doesn't start off as him, wanting to hire me as a live in housekeeper on their ranch/farm. (I never really leave the house so I don't know what is raised/grown out in the fields). I live in the main house, I do all the housework (cooking, washing, laundry, etc.) and also some of the cleaning for the bunkhouse. I also help out with a garden (I am currently not much of a gardener, but I have always wanted one). I receive an income but not just taxes are taken out... there is also a room/board fee that is removed from each paycheck. It is to pay for rent, food and bills that are affected by my presence in the house. But I am working. Doing something I know I can do. Being an asset to someone. Feeling like I am more than worthless. Obviously there is more to the dream, like my daughter deciding to live with me, and my finally getting frustrated enough with Thor to file for divorce. And of course this dream takes place out in Montana. But since it IS just a dream I can make it takes place anywhere I want to.

I don't think Thor realizes how set I am to moving out there. I think he assumes that I have already forgotten it. I haven't. I am just waiting. I have things that I need to get taken care of before I am able to start moving in that direction. Since I have to do this myself, and my a fore mentioned dream will never come true, I have to make sure that I can make a safe/secure home for my kids. (I have some that will most likely choose to spend time with me once I get settled) That is why I sent that second email to the school. I want to get my certifications. While I am working on those, I will work on getting my driver's license. Once I have my license and am close to finishing off my certifications, I will start to apply to jobs in Montana. Obviously, I will continue to look for work here, in hopes of getting a job so that I can save up money for the move itself.

Anyway... back to looking for work.

Later.