I guess I do have friends... they are just hiding in the woodwork, but jumped out at me last night and today.

I have come to a definitive answer. I am going to be moving. I don't know where other than out of the state of Wisconsin. I am going to aim for my dream of somewhere in Montana, but I will have to wait to see where I end up.

I have things I need to do first. I am not going to just up and leave. I have family I need to think of first. And I don't mean Hubby (will call him Thor for now.. it was his CB handle). I'm talking about V (daughter). What I do affects her too. So, I need to make a list of things needed to get or get done before I make this big change. These are not listed in any specific order, I am just writing down what I think I need to do for this to succeed.

1. License. I never got it. Had my learners permit for a while a few years ago, but never got the money to take the test.
2. Finish school. I started while in Mnpls. Had to drop out due to financial issues. I had already thought to do this... transfer my credits to the local tech college, drop the associates degree down to a certification, and take a few classes (like simple bookkeeping, and medical coding/billing) to round out the office stuff I already have.
3. Open my own bank accounts. Right now everything is either joint (both checking and savings) or he knows how to access it (my Paypal account). 
4. Figure out if Thor wants to be apart of the move or not. I don't know for sure if I want to/will leave the relationship. At this point I don't want to make that decision because I don't know how he will be once out of this environment. (more about this later).
5. Obtain employment. I am torn about doing this before the move. Do I really want to find a job that I may only keep for a few weeks. But then, this could take a few years before being completed.  So... And I have had so many rejections from employers that I am beginning to believe that I am not employable. (more about this later, too.)
6. Obtain housing. Same issue as with employment. Do I want to do this before the out of state move, even if I only have it for a few weeks?

Continuing with number 4. My issues with Thor are things that he can change... IF he chooses to. He just never wanted to, and I never gave him a reason too. He doesn't do housework, I haven't been with a man who does. He wouldn't do yardwork unless I started doing it myself.. then he would step in and help. (but I had to start it first). Even when I was working two jobs, I still had to come home and do all the housework. Now... we are living with his parents, and he is seeing his parents from an adults point of view. He doesn't like what he sees when he looks at his father. (who does the same things.... leaves ALL the work for the woman while he still has absolute say in all things... meaning his way or the highway.) He keeps asking me if he is/was that bad. I can't lie... he honestly is NOT as bad as his father, but he is bad enough. Since he doesn't like what he sees, he might be willing to change... once we get out of this situation. He might choose not to move with me, since I want to leave the state and he doesn't. I don't think he will ever want to leave Central Wisconsin again. Both of his attempts (AZ and MN) did not turn out well. Once I get to the point of looking to leave I will discuss it with him.

Continuing with number 5. I was working at a gas station, they accused me of stealing state lottery. They aren't pursuing any legal action as long as I never set foot on their property again.  And as far as I know that state isn't pursuing anything either, if they even know about it. I would assume that I would have heard something by now if I was in any trouble. But I believe that whenever a potential employer calls them for employment confirmation (I do let the interviewer know the situation I have with the owners so they know I don't want it used as a reference, but they still need to check to make sure that I am not lying about being employed there) that they say more than they are supposed to. I don't have proof, I can't just call them up and pretend to be someone I'm not (it's illegal too) and see if they are doing that. But I do know that they can not tell a potential employer things like "don't hire her, she's a thief" or other things along that lines. The most they are legally allowed to say is "we will not hire her back." I BELIEVE they are doing the first one though. I just can't get proof. Any potential employer is not allowed to tell me what past employers said.. if it is bad enough to stop them from giving me the job. So finding employment has been impossible for me lately. I was even turned down for a housekeeping job. How can a person not be qualified for a housekeeping job?

So, I know that I have come to a decision. My goal is to move out of this god forsaken state. With or without Thor remains to be seen.

This will have to be my inspiration. I know that there are beautiful places in WI. I haven't seen them, but I know they exist. But this place doesn't feel like home anymore. I know I have said it before, that home is supposed to be where family is... and I have lots of family here that love and support me. But Home is also supposed to be the place you feel at your best, the place that you can go to and feel welcome (even when there is nobody there). Home is where you can go out on the back porch and be amazed and contented to see what is there. Home is where you look about you and think to yourself "I can't believe this is all mine." I haven't felt that, ever, while in WI. When I went to live with Thor in AZ for those 9 months... I almost felt it. I was closer. What I missed was the green, trees waving in the wind above my head and the grass tickling my feet as I walk across it. I felt the most settled when in Scottsdale, AZ. So I can deduce that it was the proximity to the mountains that worked for me. Since I know that I want green, that leaves me with Montana, Wyoming, Utah. Colorado, Idaho, Oregon, Washington, and parts of Nevada. That at least narrows down the original list from 18 to 8. I will work out where the closer I get to actually being able to make the move.

Now to figure out the importance of each listed item so that I know what order to work on them. I know that many things can be done at the same time, like school and work (if I can even find work). I just need to stop listening to Thor when it comes to school. He doesn't want me to go if I have to use student loans. He doesn't want to add to our mountain of debt. But how can I go to school if I don't use the loans? I can't afford it and there is no way that I can get enough money from grants to cover it.

I guess it is time for some research.... Be back later.

BTW... if anyone has any suggestions or options that I might be able to use, please feel free to comment. I am willing to listen to all ideas. Even if they won't/don't work for me I will still appreciate them.